The Tao Te Ching
報怨以德，安可以為善？
是以聖人執左契，而不責於人。
有德司契，無德司徹。
天道無親，常與善人。
Reconciling great resentment will surely leave residual resentment.
How can repaying resentment with virtue be considered good?
Therefore the sage holds the left tally but does not demand payment from others.
Those with virtue attend to the contract; those without virtue attend to collection.
The Way of Heaven has no favorites,
yet always sides with the good person.
Even when conflicts appear resolved, emotional residue remains beneath the surface. Lao Tzu challenges the naive belief that we can completely erase deep wounds through reconciliation alone. When serious harm occurs, the psyche remembers even after words of forgiveness are spoken. Forced harmony creates a brittle peace that cracks under pressure. True wisdom acknowledges this reality rather than pretending all can be made whole again. The sage does not chase the illusion of total restoration but accepts that some scars persist. This honest recognition prevents the secondary harm of demanding emotional closure that cannot genuinely exist. Like a broken bone that heals but remains slightly different, reconciled relationships carry their history forward. The residual resentment is not failure but the natural consequence of genuine injury, a reminder to handle future interactions with greater care and awareness of what was lost.
The image of holding the left tally reveals a profound approach to human dealings. In ancient China, contracts were recorded on bamboo tallies split in two—one party held the left portion as proof of agreement without needing to chase payment. The sage maintains their integrity and keeps their half of any agreement but does not aggressively pursue what others owe. This is not passivity but dignified restraint. By not demanding, the sage avoids the corruption that comes from forcing compliance. Those with genuine virtue focus on fulfilling their own obligations, trusting that natural consequences will unfold. Those without virtue obsess over extracting what they are owed, becoming collectors and enforcers. This distinction separates those who live from inner principle versus those driven by external acquisition. The sage's power lies in self-completion, not in controlling others' responses or compelling their reciprocity through pressure or manipulation.
The Tao operates without personal preference yet consistently supports those aligned with its nature. This paradox resolves when we understand that "goodness" here means harmony with natural law, not moral superiority. Heaven does not play favorites based on identity or status, yet those who flow with the Tao receive its support as naturally as plants receive sunlight. The person who acts with integrity, restraint, and non-coercion positions themselves in the current of natural benefit. This is not cosmic reward for virtue but simple alignment with how reality functions. Those who grasp, demand, and force create friction against the grain of existence and suffer accordingly. The sage does not seek Heaven's favor through prayer or manipulation but earns it through resonance with the Way itself. Like water flowing downhill, benefits naturally accumulate to those who do not obstruct the pattern. This teaching offers profound reassurance: you need not control outcomes if you align your character with the deeper order.
The Problem: A colleague takes credit for your work, causing professional harm and deep resentment. After confrontation, they apologize and management mediates a resolution. Yet you still feel anger when seeing them, and the relationship remains tense despite the official reconciliation. You wonder why you cannot simply forgive and move on as everyone expects.
The Taoist Solution: Accept that residual resentment is natural and not a personal failing. Stop forcing false warmth or complete forgiveness. Instead, hold your professional standards like the left tally—maintain your integrity and quality work without obsessing over what they owe you. Focus on your own excellence rather than monitoring their behavior or seeking further acknowledgment. Trust that over time, your consistent character will speak louder than their momentary theft, and natural consequences will unfold without your enforcement.
The Problem: You lent a significant sum to a friend in need who promised repayment within months. A year passes with excuses but no money returned. You feel torn between preserving the friendship and recovering what is rightfully yours. Constant reminders strain the relationship, yet silence feels like being taken advantage of and enabling irresponsibility.
The Taoist Solution: State your position clearly once, then hold the left tally without aggressive collection. You fulfilled your part by lending in good faith; their character is revealed by their response. Continuing to chase payment corrupts your peace and transforms you into a collector rather than a person of virtue. Either accept the loss as the true cost of learning about this person, or set a firm boundary without emotional pursuit. Heaven's way will address the imbalance through natural means—their reputation, their conscience, their future opportunities—without requiring your enforcement.
The Problem: After years of estrangement following a serious family conflict, relatives pressure you to reconcile completely for an upcoming event. You agree to be civil, but family members expect you to act as if nothing happened, to embrace warmly and resume closeness immediately. The expectation of instant restoration feels dishonest and creates new stress.
The Taoist Solution: Honor the reality that great wounds leave residual effects. Offer genuine civility without pretending the past is erased. Hold your boundary like the left tally—be present and respectful without forcing intimacy that does not yet exist. Explain calmly that healing takes time and cannot be rushed by social convenience. Those with true virtue will respect this honest position. Trust that if authentic reconnection is possible, it will emerge naturally through consistent, small interactions over time, not through one forced performance of togetherness.